Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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