Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
