somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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