Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
her vagine was all disorganized.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
