I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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