If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
