guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
