cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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