Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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