Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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