You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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