and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
