3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
