I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
