Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
