i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
im holly from the hills drunk
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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