you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
