So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
