there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
did you just send me my own nude
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
