Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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