Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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