This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
