Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
