Betty ford says i'm here all night
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
