If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I want to be your penis for a week.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
