her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I am spending my child support on dildos
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
