i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
