Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Randomize
