Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
