Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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