Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
