I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i barfeds in our rink
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
