I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
