Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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