you would pick up someone in the library
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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