I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It's official drugs can't kill me
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
