i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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