I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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