He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
