Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
