Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
