her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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