I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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