R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
