The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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