we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
my nose is crying tears of wow.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
