I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
