i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
COCAINE IS GR8
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
