i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
