sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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