I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
