You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
